Any visit to my out-of-state grandchildren is special … and fun, exhausting, exhilarating, memory-making, wonderful, etc.
But I absolutely love when their Grandpa and I can be there for a birthday. That’s happening in a few days as we head out for a stay that includes Sebastian’s birthday. I can’t wait!
Meanwhile, I love putting a wrapped birthday present in the suitcase! (Of course, I have to be prepared that TSA might unwrap the present when they’re checking luggage — but that only happened once.)
I get so excited at the thought of seeing Sebastian open presents from us and I’m there, instead of just watching the fun via a video chat.
For us, not every birthday.
Many grandparents travel for every one of their grandchildren’s birthdays. What fun!
We have never made it a goal to be there for each of our grandchildren’s birthdays, which has worked out well for us. I think it probably started in 2013 when we couldn’t be there for the first grandchild’s first birthday. If we had started that tradition, now with four grandchildren we could not do four trips from our Ohio home to the Pacific Northwest each year just for their birthdays. If we had started that expectation, as the years went by it would have been impossible to keep up.
Some years we are able to be there for a birthday or two; some years we not there for any birthdays in person.
As the grandkids have grown, we have been very open with them about how we choose travel dates. When the subject of their birthday comes up, we often hear the soon-to-be birthday child say, “Will you be here for my birthday?” If we tell them “yes” or “no,” we also say, “We have to plan when we can make a trip to your house. Many things help us decide when we can come, such as when we are needed, what’s going on at your house, even how much airplane tickets cost! We hope to make many of your birthdays over the years, but we won’t be making most birthdays.”
We do try to keep it fairly even. “You know, for a few years we haven’t been there for Anderson’s birthday,” I will say to my husband. “Let’s try to make it this coming year.” But nobody’s making a list of which kids which years.
Reminders for Jane!
If we get to be there for a birthday, I always have a talk with myself about actions to avoid:
- Don’t take over the event, suggesting decorations, themes, party activities and the rest.
- Ask the parents how you can help.
- Don’t go overboard with making it soooo special that Grandpa and you are there for the birthday. Remember, you coming in with a jumbo bouquet of balloons on Child #2’s birthday might make Child #4 more sad you won’t be here for her birthday in a couple of months.
- Don’t start any in-person birthday traditions, such as taking the birthday child out to breakfast. Again, that’s not fair to the other grands who won’t be having you for their birthdays.
- Try not to get sad when a grandchild tells you he or she really wishes you could be there for their birthday coming up. Say that you would like to be there for everybody’s birthdays but explain you have a lot of factors to consider when planning a trip.